Flipping Out and Feeling Defeated!!!!

Okay, how fair is this? Is someone trying to tell me something? Do I not deserve to have this done? I thought I did. I felt I was a human being and should be treated like one. At the moment I feel completely inconsequential.

If anyone is following my story you'd know that my doctor is attempting to make up for "misplacing" my application to OOC that should have been received on Sept 29th. She promised me last week she would fax them a letter explaining to them what had happened in hopes that they would make me an exception. She also had to send an explanation as to why my original BMI on the application was different than it actually is (A different thread again.)

Well, guess what? Apparently I mean nothing. I finally had a chance to call today and spoke to both Erin and Diane in regards to my application. Everything I've heard is quite right about Diane, she's not overly pleasant. Anyway, apparently my application is in a pile to go out to receive the letter regarding the need for a referral from an assessment centre in Ontario.

I had asked them to look thru my records to see if they ahve received anything new from either the Ontario Ombudsman or my doctor. It seemed to be a difficult task for her but they did look. She looked thru her records and has not to date received anything from the Ontario ombudsman (who promised to call on my behalf) nor have they received any letters from my doctor on either point. Of course when I heard this I kinda lost it. Sounded like the same old run around again that I went thru with the original application.

I asked her if there was anything I can do after I explained what happened AGAIN. She simply said no and wasn't compassionate at all. I can understand she must be sick of dealing with this but I wonder if she has ever been fat a day in her life. Feeling the words, B with an itch coming on. Anyway, I hung up from her and immediately attempted to get thru to the Ombudsman again and they "were not available to take my call." Nice freaking government we have!!!!!

Then ... I called my doctors office. Well guess what? They MAILED it on Friday. Well she said that at first. So I proceeded to let them know it was too late that had they done it before they reviewed my application it may have made a difference but apparently not now. She then told me they tried to fax it with no success (I don't get that cause I can fax them easily and everytime I do, it takes one try!!!! I do believe her though this time.). I ended up getting really upset and asked them or rather gave them a piece of my mind. I'd just about had it. I'm still bawling but breathing a bit better now.

So then I asked them if they got the referrals out for me to Humber, Windsor, Hamilton and Ottawa because this is what I apparently have to do and I had been proactive in getting into my doctors office to get these filled out and sent. Well guess what? 2 out of them were done! The one I really want with the shortest wait time was Ottawa and THEY CAN'T FIND THE REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which she filled out with me sitting beside her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently someone from my doctors office is going to call me back but I just want to break something or run away or just cry myself oblivious!!! This is simply so unfair. I just want some sort of progress to know this is going to happen for me.

I have to say thank god for the people who support me though and thank god my boss is understanding enough to let me get through this even though it interferes in my work at times. I try not to let it but there are moments when it feels like the world is ganging up on me. Then I talk to my new and old friends and feel better. Right now I just want to lock myself up all alone and not talk to a single person. I think I should go for a walk instead. Just wish it didnt hurt so much to go for a walk. I'm tired; physically, mentally and emotionally.

So in case you are wondering why it sounds like I'm in such a hurry. I'm really not. I can't take the time off work to do this till spring but since this legislature is so new, the ontario clinics are not prepared for the onslaught of new patients; thus lengthening the wait time for me to have this done. The whole point of the out of country was to shorten the wait times for people like myself. So until they bring more surgeons (with experience) on staff and open more clinics, the wait times are going to continue to grow. And all because of a screwup at my doctors office of a five week wait, I'm stuck in this situation.

On a good note, I saw my therapist this morning and she was fantastic. I'm attempting to have as much ammunition as I can on this and she provided me with a wonderful and supportive letter that I have sent OHIP and will bring with me to any referrals I actually hear from.

I think I may call a lawyer tomorrow. I haven't decided if I should go that far yet. I may contact a news station but thats really putting it out there. It may help me though. Any suggestions?

I must go calm down.