Emotional Rollercoaster!

So, yesterday I received another letter from the Ottawa Hospital and it was telling me that I had an appointment for April. Needless to say I had a big of an anxiety attack seeing as the last time I spoke to someone they had originally booked me for an appointment Jan 20th for 6pm!!!! I did get my mail pretty late last nite so I couldn't call but I just got off the phone today and I almost lost my mind.

The first person I spoke to had no record of my appointment. She said the only one she had for me was for April. Well, I'm ashamed to say I started bawling on the phone. She was nice enough to ask me who I had spoken to last time and thank goodness I wrote it down. She transferred me over to her and the other woman literally bitch slapped me with "Who do I think I am telling her when I'm supposed to be coming in when it's up to them and there is no such time for appointments with Dr. Dent." That really helped my mind set I must admit. She then said, your appointment is for the 13th and because the letter said April I assumed that's what she meant. I had to clarify it so I asked her what month and she said Jan.

Needless to say I feel better but I'm still confused and she was right crusty with me. I said to her it's something so important to me that there is no way I can understand how I could have written the date wrong. Well she took it personally and said there's no way she would have messed it up because she doesn't work that way. (Neither do I!) Whatever. I did apologize to her in case she thought I was insulting her but I wasn't. I was just confused.

So, January 13th it is for 5:30 in Ottawa with Dr. Dent. Guess it's time to change all my schedules and get in touch with Steph who said she'd come with me! I'm happy now because that's even earlier! Yay! It started out bad but ended up great!



I haven't been really spending much time updating my blog lately because there hasn't been any new really. I had a bit of a moment when a friend inadvertently got me questioning myself and my decision to do this but I was immediately reassured by many that have had it done. I had a bad few days but I strongly believe it was my PMSing so I don't think it was anything too serious as I'm up again. My moodiness has been lifted so much by all the wonderful support and friendships I've been developing from new and old friends.

On another note, I'm scared to see any more photos of myself. I had pictures taken at a couple of Christmas parties I've gone to and I'm forcing myself to look at them realistically. I'm hating every second of it. I look terrible and I look so unhealthy. It's not good. Where did I go???? I can't wait to get myself back again. What a ridiculous thing I've done to myself, letting my weight control me. I simply cannot wait to begin to get my life back.

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Holidays! With the New Year so close by I'm happily looking forward and not back as my life moves forward to a whole new beginning; a rebirth. Be merry and enjoy your time! Till we chat again.

Finally Moving Forward! I Have Hope Again!

Exciting news! Ottawa Civic Hospital called this morning. I missed the call but when I called back and left a message she called me back fairly quickly. Apparently OHIP requested they contact me regarding the surgery. Initially she told me I needed to come in and have an educational seminar and learn more about the surgery as well as bring more information about myself. She also told me I would have to attend 4 workshops as well; one a week for four weeks. Initially we were going to set up an appointment for Dec 18th and I knew this would be hard for my boss to let me do since at this time of the year I'm seriously needed for work but she also offered me an appointment for January 20th. I wasn't overly thrilled with the need to go back and forth 5 or six million times so I started to explain my story and told her my BMI as well as the fact I had already gotten an appointment for both a sleep study and with Dr. Graber in Utica.

Well, low and behold she put me on hold for a bit and came back on telling me it was a total change of plans and that because I was a special circumstance that I would be immediately seeing the doctor, Dr. Dent, and discussing the state of my health and so on and whether or not I should continue with my plans for out of country surgery or whether he can do it for me or not. It sounded like they were 100% behind my going to see Dr. Graber. So, I have an appointment in Ottawa January 20th at 6pm. Anyone want to go with me?? I've never driven in Ottawa! lol

I'm excited but scared to be excited. I don't want anymore bad news!!!! I am thinking positive as much as I can but I do not want to ginx myself at all! I cannot believe I finally have word and things are moving again. I may not have any answers but it feels like someone cares again!

So busy today but will share more again soon!

Monday Madness

Well I thought I'd pop out a quickie post to update everyone on my Dr's appointment this morning. I saw my Dr this morning and after faxing her last week only to find out that she hadn't had a moment to read my fax, she decided to read it while I was with her. It was nice not to have to explain the letter I recevied from OHIP again. When she was done she decided to call the number for me and she spoke to Diane at the OOC offices, who told her that a doctor of some sort would be calling her back.

We decided to send out my referrals marked as URGENT again to Ottawa and a new one to Guelph and Windsor. She checked me out physically and I believe she finally understands how necessary this is for me. I felt like she started to feel pity for me and I wasn't overly comfortable with that but she saw the pain I'm in and understands now why I don't want to wait much longer. She told me she wants to see me monthly after the surgery and wants to do everything she can to help me be successful with it. I was happy to hear that. It was almost as if a light went off for her and it was greatly appreciated. So at least I know for sure she will give me that support later.

Anyway, I was home maybe a half hour and she just called me back to let me know they had called her back. They told her that the waiting times for the clinics are as follows: Windsor - 1.5 weeks (!!!!!!!!), Ottawa - 3 months, Guelph - I think she said 6 months I was in a bit of shock over the Windsor one so it didn't sink in. She told me that she hopes the Windsor one works for me although I'm stressed about that since it's so far away from here but I will do what I have to do. She also said they told her that I should still keep my appointment with Dr. Graber since they don't charge for their first appointment.

So now I'm stressed because I know nothing about the Windsor clinic but at least I know a little more than I did last week. I'm still in waiting mode though! lol I'm seriously okay with getting things done here in Ontario if things move fast enough and it would be nice to get it done sooner rather than later. I just want to be sure the surgeons know what they are doing and are experienced with everything.

Now, it's been a few hours later and I've learned a few more things. First of all Windsor is only an assessment centre and they refer you out for surgery. So, on one hand this is positive because perhaps they will refer me to Dr. Graber in Utica and things will move forward as planned. I also figured out my doctor doesn't realize this but I'm starting to feel guilty because they are being super nice there now for me and are doing everything I ask with speed and competence. I now feel like crap asking more! So I think I'm going to ride it out for a bit as well.

I did call Dr. Graber's office and the girl I spoke to really didn't know very much about things at all but she did tell me that they can't do anything at all in the approval process. She agrees that I ought to keep my appointment. So maybe where ever I get to go for the assessment, they may refer me to him anyway. What a huge pain in the ass I think. Especially if they are just going to turn around and send me where I planned on going in the first place.

I'm just glad to know today that my doctor understands finally. I told her straight up that if I do have to wait much longer to get moving with this that I may have go back on Morphine. I told her it's something I do not want to do since it's so hard to get off of. She agreed with me. Thank god. I hate doctors that just prescribe things all the time without really caring. I think it may be the time of the year but my lower body aches terribly the last few weeks and it's really hard to get moving these days. I've been attempting to get back into swimming and walking more often but it's hurting like crazy. I'm going to do it anyway though. It's a necessary evil.

On another note, I've been a bit scattered doing my xmas shopping but hope to be done soon. It's crazy out there! I'm happy to of found out my parents are coming between xmas and new years too. I was really worried about driving up there with my sleepiness when I drive. It's getting worse constantly. It may be a wonderful xmas after all.

Till we share again!

New Information, New Thoughts

If you've been following my "adventure" with OHIP lately you'll know what's going on. I've learned a few things lately that have me a bit nervous regarding my referral to Ottawa. Recently it's come to light that since they have started doing the more complicated surgeries on people with a BMI over 50, only recently, there have been a couple of deaths. People are actually suggesting strongly that if your weight is high to do your best not to get your surgery done there. Pretty frightening stuff. I am well aware of the risks that are involved but having surgeons that are not experienced with the more complicated issues with the surgery isn't something I need to have added to those risks. I'm going to have to look into it more thoroughly.

So this week brings to light THE LETTER from OHIP. Originally I was to be excited to receive this letter because it would mean it was a letter of acceptance for Out-Of-Country Benefits. Since the delay from my doctors office, it put me past Nov 4th and any applications that are received after that date are being sent the letter which I received. It's interesting to note that sites like the obesityhelp.com forums were able to enlighten me as to the legislature way before the actual government office could do so.

The one thing I did notice on the letter is there is a Note on the bottom last page of the letter that does say I can have my doctor note the referrals as being urgent and they can be rushed through the system (yea right! believe it when I see it!) or she can actually call the same bloody place I sent the application and tell them that I cannot wait the approximate 14 month or so wait to get this done because my tissues are being damaged. My osteoarthritis is steadily getting worse and worse and I've yet to find a pair of comfortable warm shoes I can wear to walk in for the winter months.

I did sit down and prepare a request for her that I faxed, including the final page of the letter (she was CC'd on the letter from OHIP) and I also included my therapists letter of support to keep in my records. I do see her Monday morning so I'm going to practically get on my hands and knees (well not literally) and beg her to make the phone call. I simply cannot manage this pain anymore without having to a) go on stronger pain meds or b) just not exercise anymore. That to me is not an option. Neither of them are since the next step up for me from T3s prior to my first knee surgery was morphine and I do not want to get addicted to that again. Far too difficult to wean me off. I will be mentioning this to her at my appointment.

So other than that, I'm still okay with things and hanging in there. I still feel hopeful that perhaps things will get done sooner rather than later. I've been really grateful for several of my new friends and their support and encouragement. I think I would be having a harder time getting by with all the negative news if I didn't have their kind words and wonderful support. They give me the hope I need to believe in everything coming together soon.

I've been learning a lot thru the support groups and the online forum as well. One thing thats somewhat kept me from overeating like a pig on the lonely nights has been to start coupon collecting and contesting. It's what they call an addiction transfer and it's something they recommend you do when you go thru the surgery. I believe I've had a head-start because I'm completely addicted. I'm sure the telemarketing and the junk mail will be well worth it if I win a prize or two! lol

It's been nice not to feel down and unhappy. Other than being frustrated I feel okay. It's been a long haul since the bad breakup, the knee surgery and the quitting smoking moment of my life and I'm starting to feel like a human being again. I don't think about him every moment of the day like I did and I don't blame myself anymore for what happened; well most of the time. lol I do wonder how he is and how he is managing because he was a big part of my life and very important to me but I had to let go and move on with my life because it simply wasn't worth the depression and the heartache anymore. It almost destroyed me and I'm grateful to my friends and family for being there for me and my fur kids who make me smile to get by. Maybe I should have called this post a grateful post! It's Thanksgiving for me today! lol

Till next time!

Flipping Out and Feeling Defeated!!!!

Okay, how fair is this? Is someone trying to tell me something? Do I not deserve to have this done? I thought I did. I felt I was a human being and should be treated like one. At the moment I feel completely inconsequential.

If anyone is following my story you'd know that my doctor is attempting to make up for "misplacing" my application to OOC that should have been received on Sept 29th. She promised me last week she would fax them a letter explaining to them what had happened in hopes that they would make me an exception. She also had to send an explanation as to why my original BMI on the application was different than it actually is (A different thread again.)

Well, guess what? Apparently I mean nothing. I finally had a chance to call today and spoke to both Erin and Diane in regards to my application. Everything I've heard is quite right about Diane, she's not overly pleasant. Anyway, apparently my application is in a pile to go out to receive the letter regarding the need for a referral from an assessment centre in Ontario.

I had asked them to look thru my records to see if they ahve received anything new from either the Ontario Ombudsman or my doctor. It seemed to be a difficult task for her but they did look. She looked thru her records and has not to date received anything from the Ontario ombudsman (who promised to call on my behalf) nor have they received any letters from my doctor on either point. Of course when I heard this I kinda lost it. Sounded like the same old run around again that I went thru with the original application.

I asked her if there was anything I can do after I explained what happened AGAIN. She simply said no and wasn't compassionate at all. I can understand she must be sick of dealing with this but I wonder if she has ever been fat a day in her life. Feeling the words, B with an itch coming on. Anyway, I hung up from her and immediately attempted to get thru to the Ombudsman again and they "were not available to take my call." Nice freaking government we have!!!!!

Then ... I called my doctors office. Well guess what? They MAILED it on Friday. Well she said that at first. So I proceeded to let them know it was too late that had they done it before they reviewed my application it may have made a difference but apparently not now. She then told me they tried to fax it with no success (I don't get that cause I can fax them easily and everytime I do, it takes one try!!!! I do believe her though this time.). I ended up getting really upset and asked them or rather gave them a piece of my mind. I'd just about had it. I'm still bawling but breathing a bit better now.

So then I asked them if they got the referrals out for me to Humber, Windsor, Hamilton and Ottawa because this is what I apparently have to do and I had been proactive in getting into my doctors office to get these filled out and sent. Well guess what? 2 out of them were done! The one I really want with the shortest wait time was Ottawa and THEY CAN'T FIND THE REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which she filled out with me sitting beside her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently someone from my doctors office is going to call me back but I just want to break something or run away or just cry myself oblivious!!! This is simply so unfair. I just want some sort of progress to know this is going to happen for me.

I have to say thank god for the people who support me though and thank god my boss is understanding enough to let me get through this even though it interferes in my work at times. I try not to let it but there are moments when it feels like the world is ganging up on me. Then I talk to my new and old friends and feel better. Right now I just want to lock myself up all alone and not talk to a single person. I think I should go for a walk instead. Just wish it didnt hurt so much to go for a walk. I'm tired; physically, mentally and emotionally.

So in case you are wondering why it sounds like I'm in such a hurry. I'm really not. I can't take the time off work to do this till spring but since this legislature is so new, the ontario clinics are not prepared for the onslaught of new patients; thus lengthening the wait time for me to have this done. The whole point of the out of country was to shorten the wait times for people like myself. So until they bring more surgeons (with experience) on staff and open more clinics, the wait times are going to continue to grow. And all because of a screwup at my doctors office of a five week wait, I'm stuck in this situation.

On a good note, I saw my therapist this morning and she was fantastic. I'm attempting to have as much ammunition as I can on this and she provided me with a wonderful and supportive letter that I have sent OHIP and will bring with me to any referrals I actually hear from.

I think I may call a lawyer tomorrow. I haven't decided if I should go that far yet. I may contact a news station but thats really putting it out there. It may help me though. Any suggestions?

I must go calm down.

Time to Breath and Time to Update!

Here's the latest scoops in the ever nutty moments of the life of Tina Sawicki! So I kinda avoided writing on here for the last little bit because I've been hugely embarrassed about my last doctor's appointment. I did vaguely post about it on Facebook but I still don't feel comfy exposing exactly what I learned to the entire world yet and that's due to shame. I'm ashamed of the shape I'm in and the weight I'm at. It's incredible that I've allowed myself to believe that I'm in better shape than I actually am. The doctors appointment proved that to me.

I was pretty upset about this. When I left the doctors office I actually sat down and cried in my car for almost a half hour. On a positive note, learning my bmi is a lot higher than I thought it was, may actually be a blessing in disguise. Apparently, if my referral to the Ottawa assessment clinic goes thru, I'll automatically be referred to Utica for my surgery since they do not work on people with a BMI of 50 and above. (That's all you'll get for numbers! lol). I guess this is going to make it easier for me to get approval for the surgery.

I've been patiently waiting for the past week to not call the OHIP office before I was asked to and I finally did call this morning. I spoke to Erin on the phone and she remembered me (that was surprising.) We actually spoke at length but I let her tell me things before I brought up the things I was aware of. Apparently they are still waiting to receive the letter that the doctors are being sent (I have a copy of the amendments thanks to OH!) and my letter is still pending with the ones that will get the new information. When she told me this I let her know what I have heard and apparently it's mostly true. The one thing they did say is that they have moved the date from October first to November 1st. This, of course, doesn't help me since it was over five weeks that my application hadn't been there (Arrived November 16th).

I also restated my case and reminded her about my case being misplaced at my doctors office. She said she isn't sure how or if that may affect my application but time will tell. She was really nice actually and I was surprised since I'm sure they are being bombarded with questions and phone calls from stressed out people. I did ask her if it was alright if I call her again in a week to find out my status and she said to feel free to do so.

Since I found out about all of these issues and have learned my doctor has been on the ball sending out my referrals, I've been more at peace with all of this. I figure there must be a reason why this is all happening (Things don't happen without a reason; not to me, ever.) and although I will take every step I can to fight this, if things turn out that I have to wait longer, that that is meant to be. I will have the surgery, when? that's just the million dollar question.

So, with this in mind, I called the Ontario Ombudsman's office. Strangely enough I had it in my head I'd be talking to a man. lol Turns out it's a woman or rather a number of people. Anyway, it was one of those moments I hate when I first called her. I've always tried to get comfortable with people when talking on the phone by being light hearted and lightly joking. MOST people go along with me and enjoy my discussion. Well, this lady was silent. No laugh, no gruffaw, no giggle! And I KNOW I can be pretty funny sometimes. Mind you, I did eventually get a laugh out of her. Just took a bit.

I basically had to explain the whole thing to her. She insisted at first there was nothing she can do for me ( I was pissy because she didn't even know the story at that point.) I insisted she hear me out so she rather huffily opened a case on me. By the time I was finished telling her what had happened to me, she was opened up to me and more receptive. To sum it all up, by the end of our conversation she suggested that I first of all get my doctor to write a letter explaining what happened with the application and mentioning the original date when it should have been received. She also asked me to send her proof of the date and she would call OHIP her self on behalf of me to push my case.

So, we'll see what happens. I did call my doctor and she actually called me back two minutes later and said she would be happy to write a letter to them. She's been really good since it was her bloody secretary that screwed me up! She also has to write to them and explain to them why we didn't weigh me Sept 29th and why my BMI is changed so drastically. Erin at OHIP said she would be satisfied with that to change the application. Thank god.

So now I wait, again. I've basically done all I can do and save for making a huge case against my doctors office which I don't want to do because I really do like my doctor, just not the secretary! lol Worst case scenario, I have to wait a few more months. Best case scenario, things progress as they ought to.

I do plan on going to my January 8th initial consultation with Dr. Graber though. I do have the appointment and will definitely not give that up since I will have to do it all at some point anyway. I have been rather proactive so I'm waiting to hear from the Ottawa clinic, Hamilton's and Windsor's clinics. Apparently they are aware of the new criteria for out of country surgery, so hopefully that will change the length of wait times. I've also been told I will have to get some heart tests done so I'm going to talk to my doctor about that at my next appointment on Dec. 7 and I originally had canceled my sleep clinic appointment for October but I rebooked it for January thank god. I did find out that I have to get that done before surgery as well and the waiting list for that is long so thank heavens I rebooked.

Surgery aside for a minute; I went to the opening of New Moon this past weekend. I expected it to busy and it was although we were 8th in line and waiting for two hours (ook!) we did get good seats. The new theatre is fantastic for room but I don't suggest people put their drinks in their drink holder beside me cause I spread out a bit. Well I went with 8 other people and it was great till I decided to leave and get snacks. When I came back ( I had purposely told everyone to let me have the seat on the outside of all of us for the room) this woman had moved into the seat beside mind. I nicely suggested she move her drink or it would get squished as I sat down. She looked at me like I was some sort of an alien and I repeated myself and she freaked on me and was really ignorant. She finally moved over a seat with her friend all the while bitching and belly aching. I actually said something to the effect of sorry I was fat to her and she had the balls to tell me that had I had special needs I ought to tell her of it!!!!!!!!!!! What the hell? Those of you that know me; well just imagine what I had to say to her. I was soooooo mad. Special needs!!!@! I'm fat for gods sake! AND I was there first so bite me. Needless to say I was envisioning things when later during the movie I had to get up to go pee. I so wanted to trip on her "accidentally" and land in her lap. My new BMI would have felt wonderful I'm sure!!! LOL I couldn't do it. I am 40 after all.

And that is my current update! Talk soon!

Relaxing and Going with the Flow

So I woke up this morning determined to make a few changes and be proactive. I've heard that this situation with OHIP has happened before and maybe this time it's not going to be confirmed again. I certainly hope not. It's crazy. I decided to call all of the assessment centres and get referrals to them from my doctor. I spoke to each person that would talk to me or left messages. It's fairly complicated.

If I get referred to Ottawa, from what I was told today, there is about a 2 month wait for assessment, then apparently if your BMI is over 50 they automatically send you to Utica (Duh!!). I called Windsor, the wait is a bit longer but they refer you to Henry Ford down that end of the province. That's not overly convenient for me. I also spoke to them at Guelph and if you get an assessment there you have to get the surgery there. There are a ton of steps involved with being referred there and getting the surgery and your looking at at least a year or more to get in. Crazy.

Needless to say, I've got a referral going out to St. Joes in Hamilton (This was the original back up referral but I found out we need a correct referral form), A referral to Ottawa and to Windsor. Just in case. Worst case scenario, I wait a bit longer. I have to get this done so if I have to wait, that's okay. I faxed everything including a letter to my doctor since I don't have another appointment with her for another three weeks. I called after and explained, as I said in the letter, that it's basically their error that has caused this to become an issue for me and if it's at all possible, can they be extra extra sure she looks at it asap. They told me they would put it on top of her pile. Trust me, I'll be calling. I only hope my pain doesn't get worse and my health get more complicated. Right now I have a healthy heart and my pancreas isn't in the greatest of shapes, I just have to keep hoping that things will not get worse before I can get in.

I will keep my appointment with Dr. Graber Jan 8th (Still looking for someone to come with me. Free hotel stay! No gas to pay nothing! Just need someone to talk to to keep me awake.) I figure it won't hurt to continue with everything until I hear differently. I refuse to get stressed and worry and cause more health issues.

I have decided to chill out on my eating habits. They've gotten a bit crazy. I want to get back to the way I was eating with Weight Watchers but maybe not so strict until I have to be. I feel crappy not eating the proper meals and food groups. Once I decided to do this surgery I went a bit nutty! I can't keep doing this to myself until I get the consult and surgery or I'll even have bigger hurtles to get over once I've gotten my surgery done. I'll talk more about this soon. Its a "baby steps" thing for me to make it a habit. It will be good for me in the end.

So I wait. I'm to call the OOC office next week so I'll get on that and be patient in the meantime. If I do get bad news I will be contacting the government Ombudsman. I've been told because the original date on my application is Sept 26 and my doctor can back up the error from her office, there is a slight chance I can fight this. Let's stay positive and hope for the best and things will work out great!

Till we talk again!