Emotional Rollercoaster!

So, yesterday I received another letter from the Ottawa Hospital and it was telling me that I had an appointment for April. Needless to say I had a big of an anxiety attack seeing as the last time I spoke to someone they had originally booked me for an appointment Jan 20th for 6pm!!!! I did get my mail pretty late last nite so I couldn't call but I just got off the phone today and I almost lost my mind.

The first person I spoke to had no record of my appointment. She said the only one she had for me was for April. Well, I'm ashamed to say I started bawling on the phone. She was nice enough to ask me who I had spoken to last time and thank goodness I wrote it down. She transferred me over to her and the other woman literally bitch slapped me with "Who do I think I am telling her when I'm supposed to be coming in when it's up to them and there is no such time for appointments with Dr. Dent." That really helped my mind set I must admit. She then said, your appointment is for the 13th and because the letter said April I assumed that's what she meant. I had to clarify it so I asked her what month and she said Jan.

Needless to say I feel better but I'm still confused and she was right crusty with me. I said to her it's something so important to me that there is no way I can understand how I could have written the date wrong. Well she took it personally and said there's no way she would have messed it up because she doesn't work that way. (Neither do I!) Whatever. I did apologize to her in case she thought I was insulting her but I wasn't. I was just confused.

So, January 13th it is for 5:30 in Ottawa with Dr. Dent. Guess it's time to change all my schedules and get in touch with Steph who said she'd come with me! I'm happy now because that's even earlier! Yay! It started out bad but ended up great!



I haven't been really spending much time updating my blog lately because there hasn't been any new really. I had a bit of a moment when a friend inadvertently got me questioning myself and my decision to do this but I was immediately reassured by many that have had it done. I had a bad few days but I strongly believe it was my PMSing so I don't think it was anything too serious as I'm up again. My moodiness has been lifted so much by all the wonderful support and friendships I've been developing from new and old friends.

On another note, I'm scared to see any more photos of myself. I had pictures taken at a couple of Christmas parties I've gone to and I'm forcing myself to look at them realistically. I'm hating every second of it. I look terrible and I look so unhealthy. It's not good. Where did I go???? I can't wait to get myself back again. What a ridiculous thing I've done to myself, letting my weight control me. I simply cannot wait to begin to get my life back.

Merry Christmas everyone and Happy Holidays! With the New Year so close by I'm happily looking forward and not back as my life moves forward to a whole new beginning; a rebirth. Be merry and enjoy your time! Till we chat again.

Finally Moving Forward! I Have Hope Again!

Exciting news! Ottawa Civic Hospital called this morning. I missed the call but when I called back and left a message she called me back fairly quickly. Apparently OHIP requested they contact me regarding the surgery. Initially she told me I needed to come in and have an educational seminar and learn more about the surgery as well as bring more information about myself. She also told me I would have to attend 4 workshops as well; one a week for four weeks. Initially we were going to set up an appointment for Dec 18th and I knew this would be hard for my boss to let me do since at this time of the year I'm seriously needed for work but she also offered me an appointment for January 20th. I wasn't overly thrilled with the need to go back and forth 5 or six million times so I started to explain my story and told her my BMI as well as the fact I had already gotten an appointment for both a sleep study and with Dr. Graber in Utica.

Well, low and behold she put me on hold for a bit and came back on telling me it was a total change of plans and that because I was a special circumstance that I would be immediately seeing the doctor, Dr. Dent, and discussing the state of my health and so on and whether or not I should continue with my plans for out of country surgery or whether he can do it for me or not. It sounded like they were 100% behind my going to see Dr. Graber. So, I have an appointment in Ottawa January 20th at 6pm. Anyone want to go with me?? I've never driven in Ottawa! lol

I'm excited but scared to be excited. I don't want anymore bad news!!!! I am thinking positive as much as I can but I do not want to ginx myself at all! I cannot believe I finally have word and things are moving again. I may not have any answers but it feels like someone cares again!

So busy today but will share more again soon!

Monday Madness

Well I thought I'd pop out a quickie post to update everyone on my Dr's appointment this morning. I saw my Dr this morning and after faxing her last week only to find out that she hadn't had a moment to read my fax, she decided to read it while I was with her. It was nice not to have to explain the letter I recevied from OHIP again. When she was done she decided to call the number for me and she spoke to Diane at the OOC offices, who told her that a doctor of some sort would be calling her back.

We decided to send out my referrals marked as URGENT again to Ottawa and a new one to Guelph and Windsor. She checked me out physically and I believe she finally understands how necessary this is for me. I felt like she started to feel pity for me and I wasn't overly comfortable with that but she saw the pain I'm in and understands now why I don't want to wait much longer. She told me she wants to see me monthly after the surgery and wants to do everything she can to help me be successful with it. I was happy to hear that. It was almost as if a light went off for her and it was greatly appreciated. So at least I know for sure she will give me that support later.

Anyway, I was home maybe a half hour and she just called me back to let me know they had called her back. They told her that the waiting times for the clinics are as follows: Windsor - 1.5 weeks (!!!!!!!!), Ottawa - 3 months, Guelph - I think she said 6 months I was in a bit of shock over the Windsor one so it didn't sink in. She told me that she hopes the Windsor one works for me although I'm stressed about that since it's so far away from here but I will do what I have to do. She also said they told her that I should still keep my appointment with Dr. Graber since they don't charge for their first appointment.

So now I'm stressed because I know nothing about the Windsor clinic but at least I know a little more than I did last week. I'm still in waiting mode though! lol I'm seriously okay with getting things done here in Ontario if things move fast enough and it would be nice to get it done sooner rather than later. I just want to be sure the surgeons know what they are doing and are experienced with everything.

Now, it's been a few hours later and I've learned a few more things. First of all Windsor is only an assessment centre and they refer you out for surgery. So, on one hand this is positive because perhaps they will refer me to Dr. Graber in Utica and things will move forward as planned. I also figured out my doctor doesn't realize this but I'm starting to feel guilty because they are being super nice there now for me and are doing everything I ask with speed and competence. I now feel like crap asking more! So I think I'm going to ride it out for a bit as well.

I did call Dr. Graber's office and the girl I spoke to really didn't know very much about things at all but she did tell me that they can't do anything at all in the approval process. She agrees that I ought to keep my appointment. So maybe where ever I get to go for the assessment, they may refer me to him anyway. What a huge pain in the ass I think. Especially if they are just going to turn around and send me where I planned on going in the first place.

I'm just glad to know today that my doctor understands finally. I told her straight up that if I do have to wait much longer to get moving with this that I may have go back on Morphine. I told her it's something I do not want to do since it's so hard to get off of. She agreed with me. Thank god. I hate doctors that just prescribe things all the time without really caring. I think it may be the time of the year but my lower body aches terribly the last few weeks and it's really hard to get moving these days. I've been attempting to get back into swimming and walking more often but it's hurting like crazy. I'm going to do it anyway though. It's a necessary evil.

On another note, I've been a bit scattered doing my xmas shopping but hope to be done soon. It's crazy out there! I'm happy to of found out my parents are coming between xmas and new years too. I was really worried about driving up there with my sleepiness when I drive. It's getting worse constantly. It may be a wonderful xmas after all.

Till we share again!

New Information, New Thoughts

If you've been following my "adventure" with OHIP lately you'll know what's going on. I've learned a few things lately that have me a bit nervous regarding my referral to Ottawa. Recently it's come to light that since they have started doing the more complicated surgeries on people with a BMI over 50, only recently, there have been a couple of deaths. People are actually suggesting strongly that if your weight is high to do your best not to get your surgery done there. Pretty frightening stuff. I am well aware of the risks that are involved but having surgeons that are not experienced with the more complicated issues with the surgery isn't something I need to have added to those risks. I'm going to have to look into it more thoroughly.

So this week brings to light THE LETTER from OHIP. Originally I was to be excited to receive this letter because it would mean it was a letter of acceptance for Out-Of-Country Benefits. Since the delay from my doctors office, it put me past Nov 4th and any applications that are received after that date are being sent the letter which I received. It's interesting to note that sites like the obesityhelp.com forums were able to enlighten me as to the legislature way before the actual government office could do so.

The one thing I did notice on the letter is there is a Note on the bottom last page of the letter that does say I can have my doctor note the referrals as being urgent and they can be rushed through the system (yea right! believe it when I see it!) or she can actually call the same bloody place I sent the application and tell them that I cannot wait the approximate 14 month or so wait to get this done because my tissues are being damaged. My osteoarthritis is steadily getting worse and worse and I've yet to find a pair of comfortable warm shoes I can wear to walk in for the winter months.

I did sit down and prepare a request for her that I faxed, including the final page of the letter (she was CC'd on the letter from OHIP) and I also included my therapists letter of support to keep in my records. I do see her Monday morning so I'm going to practically get on my hands and knees (well not literally) and beg her to make the phone call. I simply cannot manage this pain anymore without having to a) go on stronger pain meds or b) just not exercise anymore. That to me is not an option. Neither of them are since the next step up for me from T3s prior to my first knee surgery was morphine and I do not want to get addicted to that again. Far too difficult to wean me off. I will be mentioning this to her at my appointment.

So other than that, I'm still okay with things and hanging in there. I still feel hopeful that perhaps things will get done sooner rather than later. I've been really grateful for several of my new friends and their support and encouragement. I think I would be having a harder time getting by with all the negative news if I didn't have their kind words and wonderful support. They give me the hope I need to believe in everything coming together soon.

I've been learning a lot thru the support groups and the online forum as well. One thing thats somewhat kept me from overeating like a pig on the lonely nights has been to start coupon collecting and contesting. It's what they call an addiction transfer and it's something they recommend you do when you go thru the surgery. I believe I've had a head-start because I'm completely addicted. I'm sure the telemarketing and the junk mail will be well worth it if I win a prize or two! lol

It's been nice not to feel down and unhappy. Other than being frustrated I feel okay. It's been a long haul since the bad breakup, the knee surgery and the quitting smoking moment of my life and I'm starting to feel like a human being again. I don't think about him every moment of the day like I did and I don't blame myself anymore for what happened; well most of the time. lol I do wonder how he is and how he is managing because he was a big part of my life and very important to me but I had to let go and move on with my life because it simply wasn't worth the depression and the heartache anymore. It almost destroyed me and I'm grateful to my friends and family for being there for me and my fur kids who make me smile to get by. Maybe I should have called this post a grateful post! It's Thanksgiving for me today! lol

Till next time!