Flipping Out and Feeling Defeated!!!!

Okay, how fair is this? Is someone trying to tell me something? Do I not deserve to have this done? I thought I did. I felt I was a human being and should be treated like one. At the moment I feel completely inconsequential.

If anyone is following my story you'd know that my doctor is attempting to make up for "misplacing" my application to OOC that should have been received on Sept 29th. She promised me last week she would fax them a letter explaining to them what had happened in hopes that they would make me an exception. She also had to send an explanation as to why my original BMI on the application was different than it actually is (A different thread again.)

Well, guess what? Apparently I mean nothing. I finally had a chance to call today and spoke to both Erin and Diane in regards to my application. Everything I've heard is quite right about Diane, she's not overly pleasant. Anyway, apparently my application is in a pile to go out to receive the letter regarding the need for a referral from an assessment centre in Ontario.

I had asked them to look thru my records to see if they ahve received anything new from either the Ontario Ombudsman or my doctor. It seemed to be a difficult task for her but they did look. She looked thru her records and has not to date received anything from the Ontario ombudsman (who promised to call on my behalf) nor have they received any letters from my doctor on either point. Of course when I heard this I kinda lost it. Sounded like the same old run around again that I went thru with the original application.

I asked her if there was anything I can do after I explained what happened AGAIN. She simply said no and wasn't compassionate at all. I can understand she must be sick of dealing with this but I wonder if she has ever been fat a day in her life. Feeling the words, B with an itch coming on. Anyway, I hung up from her and immediately attempted to get thru to the Ombudsman again and they "were not available to take my call." Nice freaking government we have!!!!!

Then ... I called my doctors office. Well guess what? They MAILED it on Friday. Well she said that at first. So I proceeded to let them know it was too late that had they done it before they reviewed my application it may have made a difference but apparently not now. She then told me they tried to fax it with no success (I don't get that cause I can fax them easily and everytime I do, it takes one try!!!! I do believe her though this time.). I ended up getting really upset and asked them or rather gave them a piece of my mind. I'd just about had it. I'm still bawling but breathing a bit better now.

So then I asked them if they got the referrals out for me to Humber, Windsor, Hamilton and Ottawa because this is what I apparently have to do and I had been proactive in getting into my doctors office to get these filled out and sent. Well guess what? 2 out of them were done! The one I really want with the shortest wait time was Ottawa and THEY CAN'T FIND THE REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which she filled out with me sitting beside her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently someone from my doctors office is going to call me back but I just want to break something or run away or just cry myself oblivious!!! This is simply so unfair. I just want some sort of progress to know this is going to happen for me.

I have to say thank god for the people who support me though and thank god my boss is understanding enough to let me get through this even though it interferes in my work at times. I try not to let it but there are moments when it feels like the world is ganging up on me. Then I talk to my new and old friends and feel better. Right now I just want to lock myself up all alone and not talk to a single person. I think I should go for a walk instead. Just wish it didnt hurt so much to go for a walk. I'm tired; physically, mentally and emotionally.

So in case you are wondering why it sounds like I'm in such a hurry. I'm really not. I can't take the time off work to do this till spring but since this legislature is so new, the ontario clinics are not prepared for the onslaught of new patients; thus lengthening the wait time for me to have this done. The whole point of the out of country was to shorten the wait times for people like myself. So until they bring more surgeons (with experience) on staff and open more clinics, the wait times are going to continue to grow. And all because of a screwup at my doctors office of a five week wait, I'm stuck in this situation.

On a good note, I saw my therapist this morning and she was fantastic. I'm attempting to have as much ammunition as I can on this and she provided me with a wonderful and supportive letter that I have sent OHIP and will bring with me to any referrals I actually hear from.

I think I may call a lawyer tomorrow. I haven't decided if I should go that far yet. I may contact a news station but thats really putting it out there. It may help me though. Any suggestions?

I must go calm down.

Time to Breath and Time to Update!

Here's the latest scoops in the ever nutty moments of the life of Tina Sawicki! So I kinda avoided writing on here for the last little bit because I've been hugely embarrassed about my last doctor's appointment. I did vaguely post about it on Facebook but I still don't feel comfy exposing exactly what I learned to the entire world yet and that's due to shame. I'm ashamed of the shape I'm in and the weight I'm at. It's incredible that I've allowed myself to believe that I'm in better shape than I actually am. The doctors appointment proved that to me.

I was pretty upset about this. When I left the doctors office I actually sat down and cried in my car for almost a half hour. On a positive note, learning my bmi is a lot higher than I thought it was, may actually be a blessing in disguise. Apparently, if my referral to the Ottawa assessment clinic goes thru, I'll automatically be referred to Utica for my surgery since they do not work on people with a BMI of 50 and above. (That's all you'll get for numbers! lol). I guess this is going to make it easier for me to get approval for the surgery.

I've been patiently waiting for the past week to not call the OHIP office before I was asked to and I finally did call this morning. I spoke to Erin on the phone and she remembered me (that was surprising.) We actually spoke at length but I let her tell me things before I brought up the things I was aware of. Apparently they are still waiting to receive the letter that the doctors are being sent (I have a copy of the amendments thanks to OH!) and my letter is still pending with the ones that will get the new information. When she told me this I let her know what I have heard and apparently it's mostly true. The one thing they did say is that they have moved the date from October first to November 1st. This, of course, doesn't help me since it was over five weeks that my application hadn't been there (Arrived November 16th).

I also restated my case and reminded her about my case being misplaced at my doctors office. She said she isn't sure how or if that may affect my application but time will tell. She was really nice actually and I was surprised since I'm sure they are being bombarded with questions and phone calls from stressed out people. I did ask her if it was alright if I call her again in a week to find out my status and she said to feel free to do so.

Since I found out about all of these issues and have learned my doctor has been on the ball sending out my referrals, I've been more at peace with all of this. I figure there must be a reason why this is all happening (Things don't happen without a reason; not to me, ever.) and although I will take every step I can to fight this, if things turn out that I have to wait longer, that that is meant to be. I will have the surgery, when? that's just the million dollar question.

So, with this in mind, I called the Ontario Ombudsman's office. Strangely enough I had it in my head I'd be talking to a man. lol Turns out it's a woman or rather a number of people. Anyway, it was one of those moments I hate when I first called her. I've always tried to get comfortable with people when talking on the phone by being light hearted and lightly joking. MOST people go along with me and enjoy my discussion. Well, this lady was silent. No laugh, no gruffaw, no giggle! And I KNOW I can be pretty funny sometimes. Mind you, I did eventually get a laugh out of her. Just took a bit.

I basically had to explain the whole thing to her. She insisted at first there was nothing she can do for me ( I was pissy because she didn't even know the story at that point.) I insisted she hear me out so she rather huffily opened a case on me. By the time I was finished telling her what had happened to me, she was opened up to me and more receptive. To sum it all up, by the end of our conversation she suggested that I first of all get my doctor to write a letter explaining what happened with the application and mentioning the original date when it should have been received. She also asked me to send her proof of the date and she would call OHIP her self on behalf of me to push my case.

So, we'll see what happens. I did call my doctor and she actually called me back two minutes later and said she would be happy to write a letter to them. She's been really good since it was her bloody secretary that screwed me up! She also has to write to them and explain to them why we didn't weigh me Sept 29th and why my BMI is changed so drastically. Erin at OHIP said she would be satisfied with that to change the application. Thank god.

So now I wait, again. I've basically done all I can do and save for making a huge case against my doctors office which I don't want to do because I really do like my doctor, just not the secretary! lol Worst case scenario, I have to wait a few more months. Best case scenario, things progress as they ought to.

I do plan on going to my January 8th initial consultation with Dr. Graber though. I do have the appointment and will definitely not give that up since I will have to do it all at some point anyway. I have been rather proactive so I'm waiting to hear from the Ottawa clinic, Hamilton's and Windsor's clinics. Apparently they are aware of the new criteria for out of country surgery, so hopefully that will change the length of wait times. I've also been told I will have to get some heart tests done so I'm going to talk to my doctor about that at my next appointment on Dec. 7 and I originally had canceled my sleep clinic appointment for October but I rebooked it for January thank god. I did find out that I have to get that done before surgery as well and the waiting list for that is long so thank heavens I rebooked.

Surgery aside for a minute; I went to the opening of New Moon this past weekend. I expected it to busy and it was although we were 8th in line and waiting for two hours (ook!) we did get good seats. The new theatre is fantastic for room but I don't suggest people put their drinks in their drink holder beside me cause I spread out a bit. Well I went with 8 other people and it was great till I decided to leave and get snacks. When I came back ( I had purposely told everyone to let me have the seat on the outside of all of us for the room) this woman had moved into the seat beside mind. I nicely suggested she move her drink or it would get squished as I sat down. She looked at me like I was some sort of an alien and I repeated myself and she freaked on me and was really ignorant. She finally moved over a seat with her friend all the while bitching and belly aching. I actually said something to the effect of sorry I was fat to her and she had the balls to tell me that had I had special needs I ought to tell her of it!!!!!!!!!!! What the hell? Those of you that know me; well just imagine what I had to say to her. I was soooooo mad. Special needs!!!@! I'm fat for gods sake! AND I was there first so bite me. Needless to say I was envisioning things when later during the movie I had to get up to go pee. I so wanted to trip on her "accidentally" and land in her lap. My new BMI would have felt wonderful I'm sure!!! LOL I couldn't do it. I am 40 after all.

And that is my current update! Talk soon!

Relaxing and Going with the Flow

So I woke up this morning determined to make a few changes and be proactive. I've heard that this situation with OHIP has happened before and maybe this time it's not going to be confirmed again. I certainly hope not. It's crazy. I decided to call all of the assessment centres and get referrals to them from my doctor. I spoke to each person that would talk to me or left messages. It's fairly complicated.

If I get referred to Ottawa, from what I was told today, there is about a 2 month wait for assessment, then apparently if your BMI is over 50 they automatically send you to Utica (Duh!!). I called Windsor, the wait is a bit longer but they refer you to Henry Ford down that end of the province. That's not overly convenient for me. I also spoke to them at Guelph and if you get an assessment there you have to get the surgery there. There are a ton of steps involved with being referred there and getting the surgery and your looking at at least a year or more to get in. Crazy.

Needless to say, I've got a referral going out to St. Joes in Hamilton (This was the original back up referral but I found out we need a correct referral form), A referral to Ottawa and to Windsor. Just in case. Worst case scenario, I wait a bit longer. I have to get this done so if I have to wait, that's okay. I faxed everything including a letter to my doctor since I don't have another appointment with her for another three weeks. I called after and explained, as I said in the letter, that it's basically their error that has caused this to become an issue for me and if it's at all possible, can they be extra extra sure she looks at it asap. They told me they would put it on top of her pile. Trust me, I'll be calling. I only hope my pain doesn't get worse and my health get more complicated. Right now I have a healthy heart and my pancreas isn't in the greatest of shapes, I just have to keep hoping that things will not get worse before I can get in.

I will keep my appointment with Dr. Graber Jan 8th (Still looking for someone to come with me. Free hotel stay! No gas to pay nothing! Just need someone to talk to to keep me awake.) I figure it won't hurt to continue with everything until I hear differently. I refuse to get stressed and worry and cause more health issues.

I have decided to chill out on my eating habits. They've gotten a bit crazy. I want to get back to the way I was eating with Weight Watchers but maybe not so strict until I have to be. I feel crappy not eating the proper meals and food groups. Once I decided to do this surgery I went a bit nutty! I can't keep doing this to myself until I get the consult and surgery or I'll even have bigger hurtles to get over once I've gotten my surgery done. I'll talk more about this soon. Its a "baby steps" thing for me to make it a habit. It will be good for me in the end.

So I wait. I'm to call the OOC office next week so I'll get on that and be patient in the meantime. If I do get bad news I will be contacting the government Ombudsman. I've been told because the original date on my application is Sept 26 and my doctor can back up the error from her office, there is a slight chance I can fight this. Let's stay positive and hope for the best and things will work out great!

Till we talk again!

Fear of Loosing Hope Instead of Weight

So you've all read my recent rants about my doctors office and my application for out of country surgery coverage. Well I thought everything was back on track and I've now found out that for some ungodly reason, OHIP is attempting to make our lives hell and make the journey to regain our lives and health back more difficult. It's not as if our lives are already difficult and every decision we make or take harder than most.

Apparently as of November 4th anyone that has applied is now going to have to visit an Ontario Assessment Centre to determine if weight loss surgery is urgent enough to require leaving the country to get it done. Instead they want to eliminate the less urgent cases and make them wait the insane waiting times in Ontario and get it done here. It's simply awful. The worst of it is that originally my application was supposed to be there Sept 26 and because of the moron at the clinic, I'm going to get the run around if this occurs.

From what I've read, and none of this has been confirmed yet, but the waiting times for assessment is going to be ridiculous and make it seem almost useless to even go out of country in the first place. Seems to me the waiting times will be just as bad, if not worse now. What are they thinking? I'm so frustrated and upset right now. I am trying not to get worked up over it until I hear for sure but I had strongly felt that now that my form was in, that things would be moving forward nicely now.

I went shopping in Watertown this past weekend. Just to get a bit of my xmas shopping done before the stores get crazy. I normally like to go out for lunch when I visit because they have some pretty fun places to eat that we don't have here. Unfortunately, although I thoroughly enjoyed my time that day and the company I was with, my weight issues were thrown hard and fast at me again. We went to the Texas Roadhouse; inexpensive and the food is great. I had been there before but had sat at a table so this was not an issue the last time I went.

The place was pretty busy so we were given the first seating available. Normally I would ask for a table but we decided to try a booth after finding out the wait would be crazy for a table. We also asked because a friend of mine I was with had just had surgery and did not want to sit in a booth so she wouldn't irritate her stitches. Anyway, I slid into the booth but there was so much focus on me that I was embarrassed that I literally felt like I had to be buttered to fit. Then because my friend decided to sit in a chair at the end of the table instead of in the booth they asked us to move a booth down. For some reason, I couldn't even slightly fit into that booth!! We had to move everything again back to the other booth we started with!

So at this point I'm so mortified by my weight that I ended up doing the crazy routine behaviour I do when I get upset; I eat. I literally pigged out. Let's just say I was so turned around and inside out about my weight that it was not a good experience. It's amazing how people notice how much you eat but explaining why really isn't something I like to do. It's a stupid excuse.

Anyway, it's moments like this lately where I've felt I had a bit of hope with my future and with life. For the last year or so I've been living my life preparing and thinking of my future to include handicapped equipment and a wheel chair because most likely I won't be walking in a few years if things continue. So when I finally decided to move forward with the surgery, I had hope again. I started thinking differently. I feel different when moments like not fitting in a booth happen. Instead of being sad and depressed for the most part, I have a moment thinking that things will be okay in the future and I won't have to deal with this so I can breath again and carry that hope with me.

And now? With this new news regarding my application, god alone only knows where my hope is now. I feel like I've lost it or rather I still have it for the time being until things are confirmed and I'm trying to think positive but I'm sad and afraid. I was accepting the new way of living I had planned to adapt, I was happy to believe I could live a life of a little less pain and get rid of a few prescriptions I take. If you've been following my blog entries, you know where my hope was leading. I'm so afraid this one step is just going to postpone things for so long that I may need to get my other knee done or my blood sugars will get so bad that my pancreas gives up on me or I have to go on insulin. There was a reason why I applied for Out of Country, to avoid the waiting period. And now what?

I'll see you next time. Hopefully it will be with good news.

Back on Track Again

So I went to go see my doctor today. When I walked into the office I asked them if they had located my application for OOC (If you haven't read my other post, I had applied Sept 26, it was to be faxed that day, I called last friday and it was to be faxed again, then lost after that.) and she told me that she had been attempting to fax it out everyday since Sept 26, several times a day and even got a different number but was constantly have issues. This was an entirely different story from a different secretary. I was a bit confused at that point since last I heard from the other (and it's not that big of a place!) they had lost it!

So when I finally got in to see my doctor she was shocked that this person told me what they had said about continuing to try to fax when even she had heard they had misplaced my app. She couldn't apologize to me enough and since I know she supports me more than 100%, I was okay with that. She did tell me that she wanted to talk to the office manager regarding this person because apparently this was not her first time lying and bsing the patients. She said that is not how they want the clinic to be run. When she came back I mentioned I was a bit concerned about what would happen with my lab work, etc when it was time for the actual surgery and she basically reassured me that this person will not be working there much longer.

Wow! On one hand I feel horrible that they are going to fire someone with my situation being the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back but on the other hand I'm relieved because I strongly feel that was negligence on her part and disregard for me as a human being. We need to be able to trust not only our doctors but the people that work for them as well. At least everything is handled now.

So what it ended up with is they located my form, I told them not to bother trying to fax it anymore and I brought it home to fax with a new letter and other information I wanted to include. And ... guess what? I only had to fax it once!!!!!!!! It went thru with no problems at all.

And now, I wait. AGAIN! Although this time I will call next week to see if they received it. I'm a bit frustrated that I'm starting all over again but at least this time it was in my hands to be sure it got there and not someone who obviously has no regard for my well being. I'm frustrated I lost six weeks of waiting time but happy because I'm back on track again!

More and More Frustrations!

I'm so upset right now that I'm actually crying while I write this. I had done the whole OHIP thing last week and was reassured by my doctors office that they would send the form off once more to OHIP for me. I've been trying to call the OOC office all week and finally heard from them this morning. Guess what? Still no record of my application. I spoke to a really nice lady who understands my frustration and said she'd check the paper records as well as the computer and there is nothing there.

Imagine this; I'm just waking up and starting my day. I felt pretty decent and ready to approach the day. The phone rings and it's a government number so I grab it up expecting excellent news. Imagine how I feel now. So ... I called my doctors office again only to find out she didn't fax it again on Friday because the form is NOT in my folder and she CAN'T FIND MY FORM!!!! WHAT???????!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?

So now what? I don't understand this. Does nobody care about anything other than themselves anymore? Do they not get how important this is for me? Apparently the secretary left a note for my doctor to talk to her about it but guess what? She hasn't spoken to her about it. What happened to being proactive???? What about lets says a little interest in other people!!!!!!!

To say I'm upset is a bit of an understatement. To be able to vent on here is great since I'm only mad now, not crying. But I don't get it!!!!! I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and I guess we have to go thru the whole thing all over again. I'm quite simply pissed off. It's a darn good thing that I am not in a rush to have this all taken care of. I only hope that once OHIP receives my paperwork, that it doesn't take ten months to get a decision!!!

Drawbacks and Frustrations - THINK POSITIVE!!

So here I was, thinking everything was moving along nicely and I was trying to be patient and not be pushy to only discover I shouldn't have been biding my time! After sitting on the thought for about a week or so, I finally decided to call OHIP to "confirm" they received my application and to perhaps get a clue as to how much longer it was going to take to get an answer. Well, after spelling my last name three times only to have her tell me that Oh, it's on the phone (lol), she tells me they have NO RECORD of receiving anything from me! Argh!!!!!

She said she was going to jump on it immediately.

I was so frustrated. Instead of reacting the wrong way I quickly told her I would call my doctors office immediately and get it sent out again. So I did that. When I called my doctors office they sounded thrilled to hear from me for some strange reason (It always amazes me when busy places like that remember me! lol) and let me know that they had had a phone call about me. I was a bit confused until she told me it was Dr. Grabers office and that they had an issue with a fax that had been requested but it was all fine. I did get a bit excited thinking it had been OHIP but apparently not. Anyway, the bottom line was she was surprised OHIP hadn't received my files but apparently she said she was going to jump on it immediately and do it for me.

Waiting for five weeks to hear something and it was all null and void!

I was really disappointed to discover it's like I'm starting all over again. I have been waiting for five weeks to hear something and it was all null and void! BUT ... I can't look at it with negativity. Since I've applied I have learned a ton of new information and met a ton of new and wonderful people. I have been reading and reading and absorbing as much as I can. I'm still really excited to move forward with my new life but I need to be patient and let it happen on its own timing.

My doctor is 100% behind me

So, on Monday I'll call OHIP again and see if they received anything. If they haven't, I may go down to the doctors office and pick up the form and send it out by purolator myself. I know my doctor is 100% behind me and is willing to do just about anything to be sure I succeed with this so I definitely know they did not sit on it and not send it. I just have to learn to be more patient.

Me patient? lol That is funny even to me let alone to anyone that knows me. Sometimes when I decide to do things I'm gung ho and get it done asap. While other things I decide to do I can take ten years to mull it over and either finally move forward with it or not do it at all. So, I have to realize that I've been thinking about this surgery for around five years, last year only just deciding to look into it if I didn't do well with WWatchers so waiting a few more weeks will not kill me. Especially since I have to wait to march to actually get the surgery because of work.

Anyway, it's sunny and nice outside. I'm off to VAnderwater conservation area to walk the dogs. Must get some sun. Till next time!

New Friends, New Information and New Coping

So the last time I wrote I was a bit stressed out. I had learned more about the Duodenal Switch versus the Roux-En-Y surgeries and what I had learned had swayed me and led me to believe I was going in the wrong direction. Since then, I've discovered that my original decision is the best choice for me. Between posting on the OH forums and talking to both people who have had it and a wonderful new person I met at the support group, I've decided I am fine with where I'm going with what I've decided.

For once, I cannot believe it, I'm not fat enough!

I had been frightened I wouldn't be capable of following the diet that is required with the RNY surgery. With the DS surgery I would be able to eat what I want and not worry too much about things other than stinky bowel movements. But since I've looked into it, I've discovered that this surgery is not covered by OHIP because of the high risk of it. The chances of negative side effects from this surgery are a lot higher than the RNY and it's a much more complicated surgery. Apparently OHIP will no longer cover it because (visit www.dsfacts.com and see the page on the ontario folks) of the high risks involved and the need for many follow ups in comparison to the RNY. I've since also learned that although OHIP will not cover this, they've since amended it that they will cover people with a BMI of 60 or above. For once, I cannot believe it, I'm not fat enough!

So back on track I am and feeling good. Especially since yesterday was my first support group with various people who have had the surgery or are about to. I met some fantastic people and feel extremely relieved and happy that I decided to move forward with this. They were incredibly encouraging and answered a lot of my questions for me. I look forward to learning more about their experiences and their lives now. It's opened up so many different forms of support for me. There are several groups in the area that I can and will attend as I can and I look forward to learning so much more.

To pick me up if I fall down or encourage me ...

Just knowing there are so many wonderful people to pick me up if I fall down or encourage me when I may or may not have have some down times. I'm actually really excited now and I truly wish work wasn't interfering in this. I'm having to postpone things so much further because of the times of the year. I have to accept this and most likely I couldn't live with myself if I had to let my boss down. So I must be patient and in the meantime I will learn as much as I can.

I'm not going to even worry about it any longer.

I feel good today. More relaxed. Since I was at the group session yesterday I feel so much more calmer. The whole DS surgery threw me into a bit of a panic and since I don't have a hope in hell of being covered for it nor to be able to save $18, 000.00 to save for it (I had called a Surgeon in Pennsylvania for more information.) I'm not going to even worry about it any longer.

It would mean a whole new world for me.

It's a whole new world out there for me now and while I'm waiting for my new life to start I'm going to attempt to start a few of the changes I'll need to do after the surgery. One person suggested that possibly within a year after I may weigh 150lbs??!?!?! That simply flabbergasts me. I cannot see that at all but perhaps it is possible. It would mean a whole new world for me. There are so many things I want to do but cannot because my weight and the pain brought on from it stops me.

I was a bit concerned about not hearing from OHIP yet on my application for out of country surgery but apparently some people have been approved with no comorbities other than a high BMI. Since mine is fairly high, 48, then I'm hoping that along with the several comorbities I do have that they will approve. It's definitely the first hurtle and hopefully I will hear something soon. Then I can really get enthused.

Thanks to everyone for following my steps so far. See you soon!