All About Losing Control

Somewhere, somehow, sometime ago, I lost control of my life. It became something other than what I wanted it to be about. My life was ruled by food and dieting; with nothing but another diet to jump in the front car of the roller coaster with. I've had some success in the past. I've probably lost more in my life than the weight of several other people combined. It's been a crazy ride and now, because I've suggested someone else blog their experience, I've decided to start my own.

A complete waste of time and sometimes money.

Most of you know me and know my story. It's been one of heart breaks, disappointments combined with moments of success and happiness at my results. I think I've tried almost every diet there is to be tried and yet although some I've done well with, others have been a complete waste of time and sometimes money. I've done enough damage to my metabolism through the years with my "yo-yo" dieting to last a life time. I can tell you now, I've had enough.

Punishment for "fat people".

Thanks to a lot of strange yet pleasant coincidences I've come to a decision that has been in the back of my mind for many years now. One I've avoided because I was taught during my time at university getting a double degree in women's studies and sociology, that what I'm about to do is a punishment for "fat people". I've been told it was the easy way out; giving up perhaps. I wasn't sure what I believed in the past but I've always thought of what I'm going to do as a last resort for me.

Take control of the outcome of my own life

Instead of a last resort it's become a new beginning. A new way to live. A new way to think and a better quality of life (to use common terms). I've decided to get a gastric bypass done and learn to live my life differently. I've decided that I will not rule my life by food but by my self and learn to take control of the outcome of my own life. I feel at peace with this decision and I finally feel like it's doing something right for me.

The initial few posts may be a bit long and a bit personal. I apologize for that but I think it's important to get a lot of details in so everyone can understand where I'm going and where I'm coming from. I believe in situation like this that if there is the slightest chance of my experience helping someone else along the way, then fantastic, I'm all over that! Please ask me anything you feel the need to. I will do my best to be as open and honest as I can be.

My "discipline" began to fade away

Last year I joined weight watchers for the first time. My mother had joined and she was doing really well with the program so I decided to try it for myself. I said to myself that I would give myself a year to see a degree of difference and if I wasn't being successful that my next step would be to look into getting a bypass. By the spring, although I was doing fairly well (the most I managed to lose was 25lbs but 9 of those were from having to get emergency gall bladder surgery done). I was enthused by my progress but for some reason my "discipline" began to fade away and I started to over eat again. At some point in the spring, June I believe it was, an old friend came out of the wood work.

I won't mention any names at this point unless she says it's okay but we were childhood friends and by the luck of facebook, we hooked up again. She ended up coming for a visit and we got along wonderfully (considering how we both have incredibly strong personalities!). It was after this visit she decided to let me know she had made the decision to get gastric bypass done. She was in the process of getting approval from OHIP etc. She explained the process she was going through and over the next few months as I began to learn more with her assistance I started leaning towards the surgery myself. In September I went to Ottawa to meet the people from the hospital - the surgeons, the dietician and a couple of people who have gone thru the surgery. It was after this visit with my friend and the visit to Ottawa that I decided to do it myself.

Geared towards overweight people and gear everything to our comfort.

My first step was having my doctor prepared to approve my getting the surgery and have her fill out the paperwork to have it done out of country. A lot of people have asked why Utica, New York and not Toronto. I asked the same questions and have learned that the hospital in NY is geared towards overweight people and gear everything to our comfort. They also basically specialize in the Roux-N-Y surgery that I will be getting. According the Dr. Graber, the surgeon I spoke to, they do approximately 3600 surgeries a year while in Canada it's around 600 (Don't quote me on those numbers!). So due to the experience they seem to have and the specializing end of things, I think it's a great decision. Plus the waiting time isn't as long at all.

So with that said, this is the address of the hospital (http://www.drgrabermd.com/) that I'm in the process of working towards a surgery date. My initial consultation is January 8th with Dr. Graber (the reason for it being so late in the year is my job cannot spare me for time off until after christmas). I will be attending an 8am seminar that day and consulting with the surgeon the same day.

All in all I'm about 89% super excited and 11% petrified.

I'm sure that will change throughout the process but I'm attempting to get all my t's crossed and my i's dotted to make sure everything goes smoothly. Over the next few days I will be posting more information on what I will expect and what I've gone through, etc. I'm hoping to have everyone's support by posting to this blog and will hopefully be able to keep it up to date with my progress.