Pain - Lets get it over with already.

So most of you know I like to be active. For someone who is as heavy as I am, I'm on the go quite often. Unfortunately it's not as much as I'd like to be but each time I do, I'm grateful for what I can do. I wake up on the weekends and decide where I'd like to go exploring that day. I have to consider a few things before I can actually go through with my adventures.

I promise my posts will not be about my aches and pains.

I have to consider first and foremost the level of pain I am already in because of my osteoarthritis. Once thats taken into consideration I can rate how much relief I can get by taking 2 Tylenol 3's and if it's worth it to not be able to walk by end of day. Usually I'm okay with that since I really don't have much of a life at the moment and I can rest during the evenings while I work. So with this in mind I leave for my hike. On my way I'm thinking about how far I'd love to go and I'm hoping it's comfortable enough for me to wear my special shoes with the high heels because of the pain I have in my heels and how it rarely if ever goes away. I can't wear normal hiking boots because the stretch and the rub of them just about tortures me to death and I limp thru the hike instead of enjoying it. (Don't even ask what I'm going to do in the winter!!). By the way, I promise my posts will not be about my aches and pains; I actually have a point in this.

I'm excited and I'm doing okay.

So, using today and yesterday for example, I'd decided to go to Vanderwater and Frinks and walk with the dogs. I go as far as I can go and usually am pretty optimistic that I can spend the afternoon out and about and on the move. I start out sore but limber up rather quickly. I'm usually a bit winded when I first start but it tends to balance out a bit and unless there's a lot of hills, I'm okay with the breathing parts. So here I am, my favorite time of the year, doing my favorite things with my favorite company. I'm excited and I'm doing okay.

I look ahead of me and wish I could go farther.

Less then half way into the walk the pain starts. I ache. I hurt. I'm starting to sweat from it. I'm becoming disappointed because instead of a full afternoon of walking, it's going to be a lot less. God forbid I lose my sense of direction when I'm out walking because that means it's going to be a lot longer before I can sit and get some relief. I'll take breaks and such but it's not enough. The intensity of pain is pretty severe by the time I get back to my car and breath a sigh of relief. I do have to admit that over the past year I have slowly increased the distance I can walk but for the most part I look ahead of me and wish I could go farther. I have a tendancy to believe that I can go much farther than I really can and it's such a disappointment to me.

I believe I am at least 150lbs overweight!

This is my point for all of this. Has anyone seen that commercial for Jenny Craig where Valerie what's her name lifts the pumpkin up and tells us it weighs 40lbs and can you imagine thats what she lost and her actually carrying it on her let alone lifting it? Well imagine this; although I'm not one hundred percent sure of my goal weight at this point in time but I believe I am at least 150lbs overweight! Is that not crazy!? So imagine me on my hikes and what my joints are feeling and what my heart is screaming at me, not to mention my lungs. It's absolutely insane that I have so totally lost control of my body and have allowed it to get to this point.

Most normal people can diet and exercise.

So in my books, this is reason number one for me to be satisfied with my decision to go through with this surgery. Nevermind the fact that I wake up in the mornings in pain but each day I deal with the same BS. Most normal people can diet and exercise and lose weight with general ease but in my case I can only do it by diet right now. I cannot push my body as hard as I used to. I watch The Biggest Loser and wish I could work out as hard as they do. I would push myself but the pain I suffer is just too much. (Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself. That is not taking control.)

I promised myself that I would do something about my weight.

Most of you know that I've already had one knee replaced. The surgery was insane. Apparently everyone's experiences are different but I can tell you being fat while you get this type of surgery done is no walk in the park. No pun intended. It's super uncomfortable and very difficult to complete the exercises you need to do and to just simply deal with recovery. I managed of course but I promised myself that I would do something about my weight before I have to get the other done (It is inevitable but I can put it off physically with weight loss.).

I rode(my bike) to the sandbanks and back 6 years ago!

Let's just say before I write a book on this. That the idea of less pain is a fantastic reminder to me that this is what I need to do to get a better quality of life. At least part of it. I can imagine my future with my getting on my bike again (I rode to the sandbanks and back 6 years ago!). I can imagine going on long hikes and exhausting them before me. I can imagine being healthy and fit because I can actually do it this time because with the excess weight gone, I can get fit and motivate myself to feel what it feels to be enjoying life like the rest of the world does!

Things can only look up from here

Okay, so enough about pain. That's not what this is about. I've always felt like I talk about it too much. It's a sore point for me! ha ha. I've always been self conscious of it and thats okay. It's really understandable because it's been a big part of my life the last few years. I can be grateful I am no longer on morphine regularly and that things can only look up from here!!

See you next time!