It's almost time!

So I figure it’s time to start updating my blog again. Time is moving along really quickly now and surgery is coming faster each day. I’m at 19 days from surgery and 16 from leaving. Emotionally I’ve been feeling a little panicked. It started when I went to see my doctor. Let me explain -


A few weeks ago I went for an ECG after seeing my doctor. I’d say about a month or so ago. She wanted me to go early in case there were any issues with my scan and she wanted to be sure we had plenty of time to take care of anything that was wrong. I heard nothing about the results and proceeded to fax her office last week requesting the pre-op blood test form to be filled out. I mentioned in the fax that if she did have my results from my ECG that she would need to fax the results to Dr. Graber’s office as he must have all of my results no less than one week prior to surgery. When I called about the form the next day, the secretary freaked out and was exclaiming about how the surgeon was requiring all these new blood tests and if I was aware of them. I asked her if he had called and she said no, he faxed them. It made me pause and I asked her who signed the fax she is referring to. There was silence on the other end and a comment of, Oh, it’s from you. I said nothing since I was stunned they obviously did not read the complete fax I had sent. Regardless, I went in and picked up the form.


When I arrived at the lab they insisted I required an ECG done as per the paperwork I had brought in. I was on a limited time frame because of work so I was very frustrated that it took me almost 20 min to figure everything out. They had absolutely no clue what was going on and why I had to get a second ECG. The lab nurse told me that if I were to get a second one done there is a possibility of the second one having issues while the first could be okay. I decided not to bother with a second one and investigate the first one when I went in to my doctor for my physical.


My appointment was several days later so while I had been considering not saying anything I decided I wanted to let her know that my faith in her staff was starting to be of some concern to me. Especially since I had to use her office for future tests and emergencies and when I originally spoke to her she promised to be a source of support for me. When I spoke to her, it seemed she was having a bit of a bad day or something. Her enthusiasm she originally had for my surgery and my decisions wasn’t there and I was a bit taken aback on her attitude. I felt that even before I had mentioned the staff issue. She didn’t really offer any resolution at that point in time but I didn’t really expect anything other than to let her know her staff isn’t being overly receptive or alert.


During my physical I had mentioned I was excited to have this surgery and she actually told me I was crazy to be excited because it was such a big change. My physical was fine and although I had to go get a copy of my ECG because during the visit she told me it must be lost because of some computer issues they had a few weeks prior, things were okay. By the time I got home I had everything in hand to fax myself and within an hour of sending it, my pre-op paperwork was approved for surgery.


So as of this point, everything is okay. I was a bit reassured when my doctor called yesterday to confirm as to whether I received my ECG results or not and to wish me luck with surgery. I’m really hoping when I get in to see her that she continues to support me as she had in the beginning. I really think it will be important for her to be that support as she will be the one in control of all my tests and blood work after surgery.


My mood has just gone down hill from this onward. I’ve been pmsing for the past week and I know I occasionally get really bad pms so I’m hoping that if it’s bad this month, next month will not be as bad. I can get so moody, sad and crusty all wrapped up in one. My insecurities are just nasty and I drive myself nuts by living inside of my head way way too much during that time. I pull away from people at this time when it’s the time I should be around people who will get me up and away from being inside my head too much. I can really upset my whole world when I feel like this. I grit my teeth or blow up and when I blow up, it’s not pretty. My poor boss must think I’m Jekyl and Hyde the way I can be. That’s why I normally find myself pulling away from people so I don’t drive them away permanently. It’s starting to pass though and I think starting to write in my blog again will help a lot.


So I’m ready I think. I’m a bit over prepared from what one friend says but that makes me happy she says that because I’ve been afraid of not being ready. There’s only a couple of things I still need to take care of including locating what seems to be difficult to find, an ice shaver and to figure out my vitamins.


Thank god for the support groups and my new friends I have met though. I think I will be eternally grateful for all the help, reassurance and support they have given me during my journey to get approved for this. I feel like a whole new aspect of life has opened up to me by being introduced to so many wonderful people who have definitely got something in common with me.


I’m struggling right now with feeling a bit needy because I’m a bit panicked. I’m feeling like I need too much reassurance right now and it’s so not like me to be that way. The one thing I hate to do is ask things of people and the combination of the pain I have been in lately (I've had to get off all of my anti-inflammatory meds 30 days before surgery) and the emotional part that seems to be getting a bit overwhelming at this point, I’ve been having to ask an awful lot of people. I know they each have gone thru this themselves and know what I’m going thru but I also know each of them are going thru their own things right now and I’d rather be there for them than ask them for support. Hopefully this whole pms thing passes soon!


Anyway, until next time my friends. I promise to update more often. 18 days today!